it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am mentally ready for anal.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
