Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
