do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
