God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
