girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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