I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
