pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
