i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
