Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
