How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
