you traded sex for a burrito?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You were trust falling into bushes
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
