So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
