So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Drake has all the answers
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
