I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
