You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
