big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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