Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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