Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
