You can't special order awesome
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
