The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i think i just lost a toe
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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