I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
