Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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