yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
