You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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