Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
