god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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