Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
