please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
God gave him joint rollers for hands
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
