Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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