How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
