No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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