walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
