I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
being pregnant is like rehab
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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