Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
