Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
