I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
