and you said cock pushups were impossible
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
