I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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