So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
