I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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