Define "chronic" masturbator.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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