his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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