I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
