Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
