dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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