Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
