Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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