So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
