weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
