I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
